im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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