Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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