its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
