dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
