I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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