Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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