I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The air taste purple.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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