Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize