before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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