I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
