So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish you could order shots online.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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