i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
