Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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