Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
