Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
God, I missed his penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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