eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
