Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
