I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
please come you make the beer taste better
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize