I am midnight drunk by noon
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
50% drunk capacity currently
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
