As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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