I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
