yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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