I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
