This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found your dick twin last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize