note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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