ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
