I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
