party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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