life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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