my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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