Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
