happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
