I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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