thus making me awesome and them whores
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
