Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Randomize
