hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
