Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
