stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
