I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
