It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
