i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it penis luge time yet?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
