Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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