The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
