Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
