was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
