we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
