Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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