I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
