im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
