is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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