just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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