Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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