Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You smell like stripper and shame
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
