Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
