He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
