The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
