I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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