he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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