I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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