I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
