Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
