I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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