i need an iv and a liver transplant
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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