I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
