GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Randomize
