When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
