CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
