I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
