i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
