We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
