i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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